Episode 1: The Two Brothers Are...!?!?
TAEIL is about to go to McDonalds because SM isn't feeding them properly again and McDonalds is cheap. he goes into JOHNNY's room to ask him what he wants but when he opens the door JOHNNY and MARK are in bed about to fuck. TAEIL is horrified, considering they are brothers but he does still get JOHNNY's order and leaves. later that day, TAEIL is hanging out with HAECHAN and they have a conversation about this.
TAEIL: hey, HAECHAN. I need to tell you something. Today, I walked in on JOHNNY and MARK and they were about to have sex.
HAECHAN: Oh yeah, the incest thing.
TAEIL: YOU KNEW???
HAECHAN: Yeah, everyone knows. I think LUCAS is the only one who doesn't but that's just because he's been locked in the basement for so long. Also, why do you care? They aren't technically related so it's fine.
TAEIL: It doesn't matter, they are still brothers to us and in their hearts. Their names are MARK NCT and JOHNNY NCT, it's their damn family name.
HAECHAN: Isn't that all of us? Wouldn't that mean we're all in a big incest relationship?
TAEIL: NO, BECAUSE I'M NOT DATING ANY NCT MEMBERS, I HAVE FUCKING STANDARDS.
HAECHAN: OKAY OKAY. Well, what do you want me to do? Force them to stop?
TAEIL: I don't know, let's have an intervention.
HAECHAN: Alright, let's do that.
They go and gather everyone in one room.
TAEIL: Guys, we need to talk about the thing with JOHNNY and MARK...
TAEYONG: Oh, the incest?
TAEIL: I was made aware I was the only one out of the loop.
HAECHAN: According to TAEIL, we now have to either beat MARK and JOHNNY to death or make them stop.
MARK: WHY ARE YOU SO MAD ABOUT THIS. LOVE IS LOVE. YOU PUT THAT IN YOUR TWITTER BIO LAST MONTH.
TAEIL: THAT'S FOR LGBT COUPLES.
MARK: YES, LGBTQIA. THE I STANDS FOR INCEST.
TAEIL: NO IT DOESN'T.
TAEYONG: Okay, I know how we can solve this. Let's put it to a vote. Whoever wants MARK and JOHNNY to stay together get on that side of the room, whoever wants them to break up go to the other side.
They all choose their side but it's a tie.
TAEIL: Fine.... I didn't want to do this but it has come to this. I know what we have to do to break the tie.
Everyone gasps, realizing what TAEIL plans to do. He goes to the basement door and opens all the 25 locks. MARK and JOHNNY go down with him and they find LUCAS in a corner, and he starts hissing and growling at them.
TAEIL: LUCAS... we need your help.
LUCAS, snarling: WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU. YOU LEFT ME HERE.
TAEIL: I KNOW MAN, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY. WE HAD TO DO IT. YOU KNOW IF WE DIDN'T, IT WOULD BE ONE OF US INSTEAD. I'M SO FUCKING SORRY MAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT, YOU WERE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME.
JOHNNY: MARK is also like a brother to me hahah.
TAEIL: SHUT THE FUCK UP, KILL YOURSELF. Listen, LUCAS, we really need your help. We need you to decide for us. JOHNNY and MARK, they're dating, they're committing incest. Should they be allowed to stay together?
Then, LUCAS gets possesed by the NCT Gods and starts floating in the air. He gives them three riddles.
LUCAS: What food is holy to you?
MARK: Sprinkles!
LUCAS: What's the only group you're allowed to be racist to?
MARK: Mexicans!
LUCAS: What vehicle has sirens and is holy?
JOHNNY: It's a firetruck, isn't it?
LUCAS: Fine. You guys should be allowed to stay together then. The I in LGBTQIA does stand for incest after all.
The NCT Gods leave his body and he flops to the floor. They all go back up and TAEIL turns to the rest of the members.
TAEIL: LUCAS has decided.... MARK and JOHNNY can stay together.
One half of the room cheers, the other half booes them. Love wins! Or loses, depending how you look at it.